There once was a girl

She loved Christmas, the trees, decorations, carols, presents, clothes, spending time with family and the food

Sweet, delicious food

But a few months in boarding school shattered her glee

She had to walk through life always in her head, not fully out there to avoid notice

And when she got back home, she couldn't break the persona

So with that pensive S was born and the holidays only meant New Years was coming and she would be back to that hell

Instead of living in the moment, she lived in apprehension, making Christmas mean nothing to her but a day of red and white

But she decided to own it

Turned it to her day of deep sleep to avoid the excitement in the air

To avoid being hopeful

Years out of that hell hasn't stopped the introspection that starts around Christmas time

The weird sadness, the weight on her heart 

And no matter what she tried, nothing has made it better

The greeting 'Merry Christmas' seems like a dark joke to her because there's nothing merry about it

Just a suffocating day

Merry Christmas everyone and I do hope you don't feel like that...