NEVER HAVE I WANTED TO EXIST.

My late teenage years were hard, struggling to fit in, trying to understand myself, attempting to be good academic, all that yada yada. Things never went according to plan and I never really had the strength to confide and trust anyone, so the dark clouds started. Before then, I partially lived in my head, which came back to haunt me creating various scenarios where I ceased to exist, hurt myself and whatnot and till now, it hasn’t really ceased. I mean, there are good days, but 98% bad days.

Cold insides, heartache, and my mind running at a 100 miles per seconds are the recognized symptoms before it starts and I’m down the rabbit hole.

Sigh.