The first half of my 20's felt like an extended adolescence. I did not realise this until my 27th birthday, when I wondered about the way I thought, the people I was with and how I started spending my salary.

I didn't get to do much as a teenager. It was a combination of a strict upbringing and lack of money, so I spent a lot of my early 20's making up for it somehow. While I did spend time and effort trying to plan for the future, I spent a lot of the time trying to do things I couldn't get to.

I found out more about 'taboo' subjects, navigated money habits, learned about people and knowing when to call someone a friend. I overshared and embarrassed myself in the pursuit of growing up. I learned how to work and deal with the positive and negative effects. I found out what it means to like someone and try to date them, and the pain of rejection...

I honestly don't regret that much. Considering how a lot the people in the past don't remember the embarrassing things I've done, I don't mourn my mistakes as often.

I do regret not being aware of my age though. I was 20,21,22,23,24... and it did not register all the time. I'm not sure if it was due to feeling younger, but it caught up to me by the 2020 Panasonic (hehe). I was turning 25 that year and I couldn't believe it, and then came all these thoughts I'm sharing right now.

I also regret people pleasing and engaging in one-sided connections even when I saw the red flags. People pleasing definitely stops you from having better boundaries and saying 'no', even if it makes you lonely. I had to learn how to disappoint people and go with my true feelings...

While I acknowledge my own childishness in my early 20's, I love the fact that it was a way for me to figure things out without being commanded too much. I was still afraid of being found out about things I wasn't previously allowed to do and saying things that would get my journals read, but I did it anyway and it's how I am the present person I am.

Now that I'm the middle of my mid-20's, I'm working on re-invention so I can look back on this time with a smile on my face.