disclaimer: when i say ‘Nigerian parents’ or ‘African parents’ in this piece, i’m referring to the loving, well-meaning parents who express concern through career anxiety not abusive or mentally ill parents. this is about cultural patterns and generational differences, not toxic behavior. if your parents are genuinely harmful, that is a different conversation entirely.

my friend called me yesterday, nearly in tears. ‘my mom said ui/ux design is ‘not serious,’ she said. ‘she wants me to go back to school for accounting.’

i wanted to laugh but honestly? i have been there. we have all been there. if you are nigerian, you have probably heard the phrase ‘that is not serious’ more times than you have heard your own name. and somehow, every career path that is not doctor, lawyer, or engineer falls into this mysterious ‘not serious’ category.

but here is what i have realized: according to nigerian parents, literally everything is not serious. including the careers they claim are serious. let me explain.

the holy trinity

(that is also somehow not serious)

medicine

what they say, ‘be a doctor. that is serious work.’

what they mean, be the kind of doctor they can brag about at owambe parties. the plot twist:once you become a doctor, suddenly you are ‘not serious’

because:

you are a general practitioner, not a specialist

you are a specialist, but not a surgeon

you are a surgeon, but not a brain surgeon

you are a brain surgeon, but you do not have your own hospital

you have your own hospital, but why have you not cured cancer yet?

law

what they say, ‘lawyer is good. very serious profession.’

what they mean: you will argue cases like in those american movies and become rich. the plot twist: you are suddenly ‘not serious’

because:

you do corporate law instead of criminal law

you work for a firm instead of having your own practice

you have your own practice but your clients are not big enough

your clients are big but why aren’t you a judge yet?

you are a judge but why are you not in the supreme court?

engineering

what they say, ‘engineer is respected everywhere.’

what they mean: you will build bridges and everyone will know you are smart. the plot twist:engineering becomes ‘not serious’

when:

you are a software engineer (‘that is just computer, not real engineering’)

you work for someone else’s company (‘why do not you have your own firm?’)

you have your own firm (‘but you’re not building the third mainland bridge’)

you pivot to tech (‘so you’ve abandoned your degree?’)

everything else is definitely not serious

creative fields

graphic design: you are just drawing on computer. anybody can do that.’

writing: ‘you want to be writing stories while your mates are making real money?’

photography: ‘taking pictures is not work. that is just hobby.’

music: ‘you want to be disturbing people with noise? be serious.’

acting: ‘nollywood people, those ones are not serious. do something meaningful.’

modelling? ha ha ha ha ha ha

tech (the confusing one)

what they think: ‘all this computer work is the same thing.’

the reality: whether you are doing cybersecurity, data science, or building apps, it is all ‘computer work’ and therefore suspicious. unless you work for google. if you work for google, suddenly it is serious. but if you leave google to start your own company, it becomes ‘not serious’ again because ‘why did you leave that good job?’

business/entrepreneurship

small business: ‘owing a shop’ (not serious)

medium business: ‘why are you not focusing on one thing?’ (not serious)

successful business: ‘but what if it fails? don’t you want stable income?’ (not serious)

consulting: ‘so you don’t have a real job?’ (definitely not serious)

education

teaching primary school: ‘you’re wasting your brain’

teaching secondary school: ‘those children will stress you’

teaching university: ‘the pay is too small’

being a principal/headmaster: ‘why are you not teaching in university?’

working in education ministry: ‘government work is not reliable’

i figured out, the ‘serious’ bar keeps moving. it is not actually about the career, it is about an endless anxiety about security, respect, and bragging rights.

when nigerian parents say a career is ‘not serious,’ they are really saying:

‘i don’t understand how you make money from this’

‘i can’t explain to my friends what you do’

‘this doesn’t feel secure enough for my anxiety’

‘how will you take care of me when i’m old?’

‘what if people don’t respect you?’

which is why even the ‘serious’ careers become not serious once you achieve them. because the anxiety is not really about the career, it is about survival in a system that feels unpredictable and unsafe.

in the general context, i get it though. our parents grew up in a Nigeria where job security meant everything. where being a civil servant guaranteed respect and pension. where certain professions were genuinely the only paths to middle-class stability.

they are operating from a survival manual that worked in their time. but that manual does not account for:

the internet changing how people make money

traditional ‘secure’ jobs becoming less secure

new industries that did not exist when they were making career decisions

the global economy offering opportunities they could not imagine

when your mom sees you making money from instagram or your dad does not understand how ‘website design’ is a real job, they are not being difficult. they are being scared, scared that you are choosing uncertainty over security. scared that you will struggle the way they did. scared that they do not know how to guide you in this new world.

this is the part we call ‘the double standard’

the same parents who say your career choice is ‘not serious’ will:

brag about you when you succeed (‘my child is in tech’)

ask you for help with technology (‘come and fix my phone’)

expect you to solve their business problems (‘design a flyer for your father’s shop’)

want you to teach them what you do (“explain this instagram business to me”)

suddenly your ‘not serious” skills become very useful when they need them.

at the end of the day, you’re going to have to choose between living your parents’ dreams and living your own life. you can not do both. and that is not their fault or your fault, it is just the reality of generational change.

your parents want you to be safe and successful. you want to be fulfilled and authentic. these do not have to be mutually exclusive, but they might require different definitions of ‘serious.’

maybe the goal is not to convince them that your career is serious. maybe it is to build a career so solid that the results speak for themselves. maybe it is to show them that ‘serious’ can look different than they imagined.

or maybe it is just to make peace with disappointing them professionally while still honoring them personally.

because honestly? whether your career is ‘serious’ or not, the love underneath the worry is always serious. and that is probably serious enough.

THIS WAS REWRITTEN FROM MY MEDIUM ACCOUNT. - sophia nnadozie