There's an ongoing conversation (at times debate) about the state of black love. About the lack of traditional "women" for the traditional man. 

The reality, though, is that for at least seven generations Black men haven't had the luxury of being "traditional" men. Their version of "traditional"  has constantly been evolving, pieced together from remnants of traditions stripped from the men before them. No matter where in the world "Black men" exist, their manhood has been torn from them, invalidated, and reduced to nothingness by the powers that be. They've had to rebuild it with each generation. To take what they can get and make something new. With each generation a new version of manhood, A new definition of "traditional" man. This constant change comes out of necessity and at a cost. 

As the "Man" changes,  rediscovers, and rebuilds his manhood, someone has had to be there to be support, a crutch, a hand to hold their backs up,  a punching bag, a soundboard, an easy win, a thought partner, a healer, a guide, a lover, a friend, a continuation of their bloodline, sanctuary. home. love. hate. passion. revolutionary. confidant. prayer warrior. birther. trash. prize. warmth and everything in between. 

Black women have had to adjust as well.

They've put "him" back together again. Held him up where he couldn't hold. Protected him.

Didn't speak when they could have. 

Put their bodies on the line for him. Fought for him. marched and shouted that his life mattered.

they've put his manhood first. Loved him as best as they could. carried what they could to make him feel like a man again because she knew how cruel and heartless this world had been to him. What it costs him to step out to the world each. 

Traditional "man" or "woman" doesn't work for Black folk ( no matter where they exist in the world)

We've both lost too much to even know what "traditional" looks like. We've been forced to incorporate a version of tradition that wasn't even ours to begin with and attach remnants of what we believe is traditional to that. 

For the men that scream loud that there aren't any traditional Black women anymore. Perhaps it isn't a traditional woman you're looking for.

Perhaps you're scared. You're terrified that the woman who molded herself to fit your version of manhood is healing herself. She's choosing herself first and learning to love every part of herself. 

Her healing requires she center her needs. To dig deep and rediscover the lost parts of her. She'll need it to heal 7 generations of deep loss, pain, and trauma. To face the shit she didn't even create.

You're scared because it means she can't love you unconditionally, she can't pour into you first, and her healing means you're missing the person who could put you back together again.

It scares you cause she's not taking your shit anymore. She's molding herself in the ways her mothers couldn't. She's making herself whole. Putting herself back together again, come hell or high water. 

You've got two choices - come along or stay behind. There's no in-between. 

Written by Mwewa Su

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