There's a constant pull toward being a part of something - belonging to a place, a people, a thing, or an idea. It seems to be at the core of our human existence (perhaps even all living things), this feeling that we are all individual parts of a whole.

Some manage to find it or them. Others - most of us- are in a revolving loop searching for our place, our thing, our person (s).

By the bare nature of our creation, at birth, we are connected to other people,  not just the two humans required to form our being, but the people who formed them, the generations before, and the people destined for the future. There's a tree, a lineage, a web, or a network of relations we are all born into. There are names we'll never know, others we'd prefer to deny, and many we're deeply connected to. However, even this "forced" connection or belonging can feel misaligned, awkward, daunting,  at times unsafe,  or completely inaccurate.

So if the origin of our belonging doesn't fit, how do we find it elsewhere?

In truth, we've complicated life. We've created such contradictory rules that makes even the simplest interaction complicated. Should I wave or does it look creepy? Should I nod and smile or am I just masking? Should I look them in the eye or look past them? Should I say hi or just keep walking?

We've made our existence so rigid and complex that we're becoming inverted. We're alienated, operating in silos —each of us on our merry-go-round, spinning in circles in all directions but never together, as one or in unison. Some parts of life require us to operate in silos but not constantly. I truly believe navigating the world from an individualist mindset was never meant to be our default. If it were, we wouldn't have this deep desire to belong or to connect. We wouldn't create and develop relationships with others.  Sports, clubs, parties, sororities, family units, career networking and so much more wouldn't be so impactful on our day-to-day lives.

How did we find ourselves here? In the misery and dismay of a loneliness epidemic. In a time when we can easily connect to nearly every human on the planet yet,  more people are lonelier than ever.

How do we undo it? Maybe we each slow down our merry-go-round, break the handles open, pull the pieces apart, and turn it into the largest playground ever? A playground with something for everyone, with joy, laughter, connection, people, and most importantly ease.

I don't know the best way to solve the loneliness epidemic - there's likely no one way but thousands. What is evident is we can't get far without each other, without our people, place, or things. Some would describe this as Community, Home, Passion, or Soulmates to name a few. No matter its name, to find our Belonging we must be intentional. We must look into the deepest parts of ourselves ( no matter how frightening), and face all the parts of ourselves. We must ask:

Who warms my heart when I'm with them?

What excites me, and fills my whole body with love, joy, and exaltation?

Where can I call home?

Where can I simply exist? Just be, no pressure. no mask. no exceptions.

This inquiry will not ( and is not meant to ) be easy. Nor will it be a one-time thing. As with healing and liberation, stepping off that merry-go-round will be a whirlwind. It will not be straightforward, there'll be distractions, hurdles, and questions but if we are to find our Belonging, continue we must.

We are all individual parts of a whole and if one of us is broken the whole will crumble.

Here's to finding our Belonging! Our lives depend on it.

By: Mwewa Su