I'm tired. Every day when I wake up, I question what makes sense, I question my decision to leave the only place I called home. I question my sanity, I question everything while I drag myself out of bed and get ready for my day. 

I left Nova Scotia December 31st completely unsure of what I was walking into. 

July 2 2023 marks six months in Lusaka Zambia. I miss parts of my old life. Driving to the ocean, laying on the balcony with a growler, my vape pen, and my music while my love works from home. I miss our old apartment, I miss doing my clients hair, laughing, making memories, and my favorite thing, bath time with all my favorites. Beer , my laptop, bubble bath, Epsom salts, and my vape. 

Im exhausted from existing. Mind over matter is what I'm told. I don't have answers to my own questions. My 'what ifs' scream louder than ever; 'what if nobody cares, what if I don't matter, what if I wasn't around, would they notice???' 

No, I'm not okay and I haven't been but the more important part is, do you care enough to ask? Six months in Zambia and I'm still figuring out is going on.