As a plus-sized person, do you know how many times people have used my body size to insult me? Do you know how many times people have told me that I would be beautiful if I lost weight? Do you know how many times people have said you look good, for a big girl?

These are the kind of statements that make plus-size women like me feel like we are not beautiful. Asides that, the mainstream media already portrays slim women as the beauty standard, so you have fat women trying to lose weight so they can have the “perfect body” and be seen as beautiful.

I’ve struggled with my self-esteem for a long long time and that’s because I’ve always had people make negative comments about my weight; people who I called friends, family, men I dated…always made me feel like being plus-size is not the norm and if I wanted to be beautiful, I had to lose weight.

I’ve watched movies and read books where the fat person was always being bullied simply because she was fat, and then the fat person goes away for one summer and comes back slim and “hot” and now everybody wants to be her friend and everybody wants to date her. Why can’t the fat person just come back with a high level of self-esteem, loving her body, and not giving a shit what anybody says? Why can’t these teen movies change the narrative?

These are the kind of things that affected me as a fat kid, I always felt like I had to lose weight before anybody would truly like me or see me as beautiful, and as a teenager, I felt that boys were only attracted to slim girls because that was what I was seeing on TV. So you can imagine how I felt when a boy liked a “fat girl” like me and wanted me to be his girlfriend; it used to make me feel like I was on top of the world. For a boy to like me the way I looked??? Wow! That’s why I got into relationships in high school because it felt good to be loved “despite the way I looked,” because honestly, I had made up my mind that boys only liked the slim girls. (Keep in mind that I no longer think like this). One day we’re gonna talk about how my low self-esteem made me do really stupid things and made me depend on the opinions of people so much.

Also, as a fat girl, I always felt like I could only wear certain things if I was slimmer and I had a flat tummy, and small arms and thighs; for the longest time I didn’t wear sleeveless tops because I was self-conscious about my flabby arms.

Till date, I still struggle with my weight, I have to remind myself every day that I am beautiful just the way I am. I’m very conscious about my weight and I get really insecure when someone talks about my body, but I’m slowly learning that my weight does not define me and I am gorgeous either way. One of my ultimate favorite influencers is a woman called Thickleeyonce, a plus-sized woman who completely loves who she is. She’s one of the most stylish women I know and she wears every outfit with the type of confidence I hope to have someday. From bikinis to crop tops, she wears them all and I can’t tell you how much I love to see it. Of course, there are people in her comments making hurtful fat jokes and hate comments but she ignores them and goes about loving herself and doing her damn thing. Another person I admire is Latasha Lagos, a plus-sized woman who SLAYS! Lizzo is another person I love!

I love how there are so many more plus-sized women out there now, owning and loving their bodies and not caring what people think. Dear plus-sized woman, you are beautiful just the way you are, always remember that, and don’t allow ANYBODY to make you feel otherwise.