“Adeola why are you coming back home this late?” my mother asks as I walk into the house. With the way she’s asking, you’d think I’m walking into the house at midnight, it’s just 10:05 pm.

“Good evening mum, I was working late,” I say with a tired look on my face.

“And you couldn’t call?”

“I sent you a text.”

“For these types of things you don’t send a text, you call.”

I’m already getting annoyed at this point. How do you attack me the moment I get into the house after a long ass day at work?

“I don’t like this your job that makes you come home late.” She goes on to say. “This is the fourth time you’re coming home late, I’ve barely seen you at home this week. You leave really early, and you come back really late, are you the only one at that office?”

“Mum I work in a consulting firm, you know how it can be in these types of companies. I even left early today, there are still a lot of people at the office, and they’ll probably be there till 1 am. It’s the job, there’s nothing I can do.”

“Do you want me to speak to your boss?”

“What??? Nooo!” I say raising my voice.

“Mum, I’m an adult, you can’t be calling my boss. It’s gonna make me look like an incompetent employee who still behaves like a child and is not ready to work. I’m already one of the youngest people in my office, and I’m trying to prove that my age doesn’t matter, don’t make it harder for me.” I say exasperated.

“But you can’t keep coming back late now.”

Oh my gosh! This woman is starting to get on my nerves, let me just give her what she wants, cause if I don’t, we’ll keep going back and forth and at some point, I’ll get upset and say what I’m not supposed to say, and that’s how I’ll end up living on the streets.

“Okay, I promise to try to come home earlier from now on.”

“Better,” she says

“I really need to get my own apartment,” I mutter underneath my breath as I start to walk away.

“What?” she says.

“Nothing.”

The promise I made was just to get her off my back; obviously, for the next few days, I’m actually gonna try to come back early but knowing how things are in my place of work, it won’t last for long.

Although let me just confess now that the reason why I came back home late tonight wasn’t that I was working late; my boss wasn’t around today and I finished all the work I had to do on time, so I was actually able to leave work at 5 today. The real reason I got back home late is because I made a quick, short, little stop at a man’s house.

I know, I know, but can you blame me? I’ve been so stressed at work and I needed a way to ease the stress, so when Tunji asked me to come over, I said yes without hesitating. That’s another thing, he’s Yoruba, and you know how I am with fine Yoruba men, I can’t say no to them, that’s just me denying myself the pleasure I deserve. Yoruba men might be wicked but they’re also wicked sexy.

………………………………………………………………………………………

So I had just finished having a late lunch at work earlier today, when Tunji called me to ask if I was closing early from work.

“Hey you,” he said over the phone.

“Heyy Tunji, what’s up?” I said with a flirtatious smile on my face, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Nothing much, just wondering what your plans are after work today, would you be closing early today?” he said in that his sexy baritone voice.

“ Well, my boss isn’t around today, and I’m almost done with work, so yes, I’ll most likely be closing early today. Why are you asking? Do you have any plans for me?” I said in a sultry voice.

“Well, I was hoping we could go out for dinner.”

“Oh,” I said in a disappointed tone, cause I really didn’t want to go out for dinner, I wanted to BE the dinner.

“What? You don’t want wanna go out for dinner?”

“Well I was kinda hoping we could just stay indoors tonight, I’m not really in the mood to go out.”

“Oh that’s okay, you can come over to the house, and I’ll just order dinner from your favorite place and we could eat and just talk.”

Riiiight “talk”, we all know what that means.

“Great, guess I’ll see you soon then.”

Do you need me to come pick you up?”

“No thank you, I drove.”

“Okay, see you soon babe, byee.”

Stop. I know what you’re thinking, and no, Tunji is not my boyfriend, he’s my friend. Well, more like friend with benefits.

Why am I not dating him, you may ask. Well, that’s because Tunji is a hoe! All these things he’s doing for me; like ordering dinner from my favorite place and offering to pick me up, he does it for other girls too. Tunji doesn’t know how to stay with one woman, trust me I’ve known him for a long time. We became friends with benefits last year when we both we realized that we’re two single adults that are physically attracted to each other, (I’ll give you the full gist about this another day).

So I closed from work and I headed over to Tunji’s house, which is only fifteen minutes away from my office, fortunately. I got to his house and Tunji had already ordered my favorite food from my favorite place; Pasta from LaTaverna. So, I was going to eat, and then be eaten, don’t you just love to see it?

I walked in, he helped me with my bag and handed me a glass of wine. See, this man knew what he was doing, he knows how my lady down there usually gets when I drink wine, but it’s good, I most certainly didn’t mind.

“So how come your boss wasn’t at work today?” he asked, as he brought the food towards the center table in the living room.

“He had some seminar he had to attend.’”

“Oh, what’s the seminar about?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

“Lol, some employee you are.”

“Abeg, pass me my food jo.”

We both sat down on the couch and opened our plates of food and the room all of a sudden was filled with the sweet sweet smell of delicious Alfredo pasta.

“Have you watched the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy?” he said as he reached for the TV remote.

“No, I haven’t, Oh my gosh, did you watch it without me???” I said hitting him on the shoulder.

“Ouch!” he said, rubbing his shoulder, “calm down, No, I didn’t watch it without you. ”

“Good!”

He rolled his eyes and put on the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy, which he had pre-recorded on his decoder, and we watched it as we ate.

30 minutes later, we were done eating and were in the middle of watching Desperate Housewives while drinking wine. All of a sudden, my lady down there started to tingle which meant that the red wine had started doing its magic down there. I looked at Tunji from head to toe and all I was thinking of was how I wanted that 6'2 man on top of me.

“Why are you looking at me like you want to eat me?” he said with a big ass smirk on his face.

“Because I want to,” I said, winking.

“ But didn’t you just eat?” he said, still with that stupid smirk on his face.

“ Tunji just shut up and kiss me!”

He put his right hand on my face and pulled me closer with his left hand around my waist, He started to kiss me with his super soft lips, and his right hand slowly moved from my face to my waist, to underneath my shirt…you know what, I’m just gonna stop here, I’m not gonna give you guys the dirty details. Just know that at the end of it all, a girl was well pleased.

After my amazing sex-filled evening, Tunji drove me home in my car since I was too tipsy to drive, and he took an uber back to his house. Sigh, this particular Yoruba man will not be the end of me.

I’m too tired (Haha you know why I’m tired) so let me just stop here.

Till next time,

Deola.

Adventures Of Deola- Yoruba Men Will Be The Death Of Me was originally published in Fiction Inc. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.